Yep, I have decided it's time to change everything about myself for at least a month, and then re-evaluate my life's direction. You see, as long as I am living the way I currently am, which is completely different from most people, I will never know if normal behavior leads to wonderfully predictable and normal outcomes in life. So, I have discussed my plan with my son and a dear friend and although they disagree with me and would prefer that I continue to be the unique, passionate, and unpredictable person I am today, they are in my corner and will support whatever decision I make.
There is a list of things I am determined to do:
I am applying for a job at one of my favorite stores, Tractor Supply Company, because I want to work for someone else, play with the cool hardware, and not worry.
I am renewing my RN,BSN so I have a back-up income plan for the price I pay for wrestling with my entrepreneurial spirit.
I am letting my "so far successful in a short period of time" company, Smucci, rest while I reorganize, consult with my experts, and decide my next business direction.
I will sell my house situated on 90 acres of dense forest abundant in wildlife and overlooking a 13 acre spring fed lake stocked with fish.
I will move to a location more beneficial to me and my son in terms of social convenience and business opportunities.
So, being normal will assist me in getting all of this done. Right? Seriously, I have a long list of handicaps that prevent me from moving forward in normal fashion. I have taken a hard look at myself and my current behaviors that I believe interfere with normalcy are enumerated below. And they must go:
I will no longer...
... be so passionate about everything
... cry when I see roadkill
... see the beauty in a handful of dirt, a butterfly's wing, the wind upon the lake
... let anyone take my breath away
... turn on the water faucet when Marcus and Maggie, my indoor cats, want fresh running water
... save another abused or forgotten animal
... use the salt and pepper shakers on my table that I bought my first year of college (2 clay creatures resembling anteaters or armadillos whose upturned noses intertwine as if they were smooching)
... love doing night gardening with quality power tools, and with as little clothing on as possible
... wear clothes that fit me. I buy in the teen or boys dept cuz I never developed hips. Ill fitting woman's clothing, here I come, fit or not.
... sit outside by myself late at night and wait to hear a tree fall. So far, I have heard 2, and they really do make noise
... be so honest
... reveal my heart
... work hard
... wait for reward
... appreciate the artistry in others when they are doing what they love to do
... have huge bronze snails at my front door to greet my friends, flying pigs or marble frog figurines
... paint rooms to perfection
... insist on everyone's comfort before my own
... help a complete stranger
... get excited at the first snowfall and coast down my hill to the lake on an antique sled
... stop driving because I had to get a picture of ice laden branches during a horrific winter storm
... stop driving because everything around me was just so exquisitely beautiful
... wear my hair in a ponytail on top of my head wherever I go and my pink cowgirl boots on my feet... my fave. No more boots with shorts.
... take the time to explain what classical ballet training has taught me or why the concept of juxtaposition fascinates me and is a recurrent theme in all of my work
... walk around my lake and lay in the grass looking upward at the sky for hours
... be so visual and see it done.
... be so intuitive.
... be so apologetic. I apologize for things that are not my fault
Yes, the wiser voices have spoken and convinced me that I need to try to be more practical. I am not the woman who has chosen to live in rustic elegance in the middle of a forest, nor do I like driving big trucks. I am not using any more power tools and refuse to wear my Stihl backpack blower. My home will no longer be unusual and filled with root furniture, cedar ceilings and chrystal chandeliers. I am going to try to be regular and ordinary and see dirt when I look at a motocross track, not life condensed... just plain dirt. I will not rescue frogs in the field or walk like a ballerina. Trees will be just trees and not amazing architectural forms and feathers will be tossed.
Since my company Smucci embodies all that I feel, dream, and passionately believe I need to set it temporarily aside while I attend to practical matters. Smucci is a mirror that reflects exactly who I am. Hmmm, my creativity and heartfelt dreams contrasted with urgent practical matters in my life. Sounds like juxtaposing forces that I just can't handle right now.